Pyramid Love
by kellegirl
Summary: Weirdest song fic ever. What is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. James finds out what love is. Mpreg, uke Pyramid Head. Real wtf experience.


_Me: This is extreme crack, inspired by an AMV and turned into yaoi. AMV is titled Silent Hill 2- Night at the Hill 2 (Perfected by Rosseter)._

_Disclaimer: I don't even own the game, let alone the characters. Hell I haven't even played the game before._

_Warning: Weirdest song fic ever! Uke Pyramid head with random mpreg cuz I can. Need I really say more?_

_XxXxXxXxXx_

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more

"Baby," James held up his hands defensively, "Calm down. No need to break the furniture."

"I will kill you you selfish bastard!" the tall figure raged, "I don't need a condom, we're both male, nothing will happen. Well guess what? I'm fucking pregnant!"

"Wait what?!" the dirty blond choked out, "Pyramid, you've got to be kidding me."

"You will suffer!" Pyramid Head screamed and grabbed his sword, swinging it at Jame's head.

Oh, baby don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more

James sat on the couch cleaning his wounds. He had been banished to sleep alone while Pyramid took the bedroom for the night. How was he supposed to know that Pyramid could get knocked up? It wasn't exactly something that he had thought could happen, but apparently the death loving psycho had a hidden set of female reproductive organs. "I'm never topping again," James groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

Though really, he couldn't blame Pyramid for being angry, he had been so sick lately. Morning sickness with that helmet was not a pretty sight. And Pyramid was so touchy about his weight. The psycho didn't have that wraith like figure for no reason, he worked hard on it. Now it was going to be ruined and James was to blame. Thus the cuts covering the dirty blond's body.

James couldn't be really mad though, Pyramid had only given him flesh wounds, he could have done some real damage if he had wanted.

What is love  
Yeah

"James," Pyramid called from the bedroom, "You can come back in."

Oh, I don't know why you're not there  
I give you my love, but you don't care

A pregnant Pyramid Head turned out to be a violent...more violent Pyramid Head. James found himself subjected to randomly flying furniture, thrown knives, and for some reason pissed off wet cats. That one kind of confused him, they didn't have a cat. It didn't really matter, James always said he loved Pyramid, cuddled him, and tried to get the weapons out of his back without upsetting his lover.

Sometimes James would think it wasn't worth it, Pyramid never seemed to respond to his attentions, only smacked him around a bit. There were times that James really considered leaving.

So what is right and what is wrong  
Gimme a sign

"James," Pyramid said softly one day.

"Yeah," the blond looked over at his lover from where he had been preparing their meal.

"Thank you," the killer gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, something that was in itself quite painful, and walked away..

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more

Pyramid Head's nice streak lasted all of ten minutes and at lunch he picked up a chair and brought it down on James' head. James of course recognized that he never should have said that Pyramid needed to eat more if he was going to gain enough weight, nor should he have said that Pyramid was rather hormonal today. It still hurt though.

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more

That night James tried to cuddle up to his favorite psycho and received an elbow in the gut. Grumbling slightly at the harsh treatment, the dirty blond rolled away to his own side of the bed. A few minutes later strong arms encircled him and he couldn't help but to flinch slightly. Then he felt a soft breath against his shoulder. "I want you," Pyramid whispered.

Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh  
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh

James screamed like a little girl as Pyramid rode him. So what if he wasn't the single most masculine seme out there? He was still topping in his own way. Pyramid growled and ground against the length within him. Raking his nails down the blond's chest just to hear James shriek like a bitch, the psycho found his release, forcing James to climax with him.

Oh, I don't know, what can I do  
What else can I say, it's up to you

"Calm down before I stab you in the eye!" Pyramid screamed as another contraction hit him.

"But you're having a baby!" James was in hysterics, "Do you even have a hole for that?!"

"James, I love you, but I am not above killing you and raising this child on my own," the killer said calmly.

I know we're one, just me and you  
I can't go on

James wisely decided now would be a good time to shut up and let Pyramid give birth in peace.

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more

"OH YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Pyramid shrieked as he tossed his head back, "I AM NEVER HAVING SEX WITH YOU AGAIN!"

"Ju-just breathe," James said uncertainly.

The blond squeaked slightly when Pyramid grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him close. "You. Will. Suffer. For. This."

The dirty blond nodded mutely.

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more

Pyramid was actually doing fairly well, one of the nurse monsters was taking excellent care of him and the baby was crowning with no complications. James was a mess, fearing not only for the baby but for his own life. If the noise that Pyramid had made when the head appeared was any indication, James was going to be paying for this for a long time.

Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh  
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh

The baby's screams echoed through the room and it's father nearly fainted from relief when he saw a human head and face. He would have really been in deep shit if the baby had taken after her mother and had a pyramid for a head. His relief was short lived when Pyramid started having more contractions.

What is love, oooh, oooh, oooh  
What is love, oooh, oooh, oooh

When the second baby, a little boy, came out James knew he was going to die. His son was huge, with a metallic head just like his mother.

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more

Pyramid actually turned out to not have cared about the birth, no matter how horrible it had been to have their son. He was practically tamed by the two tiny infants and far too exhausted to take out any frustration on James. The babies however proved to be vicious little things that already had teeth and a penchant for biting their father. James found himself covered him new scars.

Don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me

It was when they learned to walk that James found out that baby attacks were something to be on the constant look out for. His son somehow learned how to climb the walls and would drop from the ceiling, while his daughter was the definition of an ankle biter. But he didn't dare retaliate, their mother would gut him if he did.

I want no other, no other lover  
This is your life, our time

James watched Pyramid Head cuddling their children and smiled slightly. It was times like this that it was all worth it, all the pain and abuse. Just to see his lover and children looking so happy made walking through hell seem like nothing at all. He never wanted it to end.

When we are together, I need you forever  
Is it love

When James proposed to Pyramid Head he thought he was going to die. Pyramid didn't respond at first, just stared at him with an aura of pain and suffering emitting from him. He could have sworn that he was done for when the killer lunged at him. But instead of finding himself beheaded, James found himself in a tight embrace.

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more

The wedding was one of a kind, there was no disputing that. James' family sat with nearly half a football field separating them from Pyramid's. Five people still died. James was caught somewhere between laughing hysterically and crying when he saw his 'bride'. Pyramid was in the traditional white dress, a veil ineffectively covering his face. Their two children acted as ring bearers, but their son managed to eat the pillow when they weren't looking. Their daughter just got into the wedding presents and claimed the mixer as her own property, wearing the bowl on her head as a helmet. When Jame's cousin tried to take it away he died. Sharp demon teeth are not something to be ignored.

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more (oooh, oooh)

"YOU WILL SUFFER FOR ALL ETERNITY!" Pyramid screamed, "I THOUGHT YOU HAD USED A CONDOM!"

"I did!" James said defensively, "It must have broken! Go after the manufacturer, not me!"

That was how 'Happy Time Condoms' met it's doom.

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more

Pyramid proved just as volatile the second pregnancy as the first, James honestly considered moving out. Until the hormones took a new, hornier turn.

What is love  
Oh baby, don't hurt me  
Don't hurt me no more (oooh, oooh)

What is love?

XxXxXxXxXx

_Me: That was wrong on so many levels. -shrugs-_

_Cautai: Well I liked it._

_Me: I did too. And it marks a new series that I've done fics for now. Please review, they make me very happy._


End file.
